Couldn't Find My Meds

sorry, guys...for disappearing after the 1st period last night...but i couldn't find my pills and i got hungry...so i wandered uptown

and ordered some ribs at virgil's on one of those 40s  street -you know...like 42  or 43...one of those streets with a 40 in it...near all those bright lights and big screens...one of them even had the game on from the garden...second period...i don't remember the score but i saw one of my guys make a pretty good hit on the boards...he didn't hit the man he was trying to hit, but he made a pretty good hit on the boards...i couldn't tell which one of my guys it was...something with a 2 -but not 2, that number's retired...

i saw being raised to the rafters of the garden last year and then i saw our team lose that one, too -or win in a shootout...either way

a win is a loss or something like that...then i brought a bag of ribs back for some of the guys if they were hungry, but i guess the game ended and everyone left, so i asked these kids outside and they told me we won the shootout, then one of them hit me in the side

of the head with a giant spitball

hmmmm...i never saw a kid with a full beard throw a spitball before

so i sat down on the concrete outside the garden, men...and i unraveled the spitball because that's what my father told me

to do...he said  Rensie...that's what he called me -Rensie...if somebody out there in the world is holding some kind of grudge

against you or something like that...it's best to find out what the hell they've got against you

so i've always followed my dads advice to the letter

even the time he told me to go to hell

so i started digging but i got all these blisters and i couldn't did ANY MORE

SO I LOOKED IN THE phone book

and there was a place called hell only about 22o miles from our house

so i went there

and it was a strange little club

with a bunch of fellows wearing leather pants

if fact

that's where i met my first episcopal priest

anyhow

o sat there and kept unraveling the giant spitball

no easy task, believe me men

and inside it said

you should've won the game on graves night you piece of shit

well...i took in this observation

but then i felt hungry again

so i sat there and ate the ribs

and some guy walking by gave me a quarter

so i bought the late paper and it said my team won

in a shootout

and i tried to think if we had won a non-shootout game this season

and i couldn't remember if we had

daRN THESE RIBS ARE GOOD

ANYBODY GOT A NAPKIN

HELL

I'LL JUST USE THE newspaper

nevermind

At Least We Ain't Down Yet

Ok -men...let's go into the locker room with our heads held high, but make sure we hold our noses tight -men, cause it smells like something died in there; or maybe outside somewhere...remember, it  IS new jersey -right...ok, i'm really proud of you so far tonight -guys...for standing behind your goalie -although...that's how we lost that game so badly in dallas -cause all 5 of you guys were always

standing behind the goalie...there wasn't anyone else guarding in front of the net except lunnie...and he wasn't really on that night

to say the least...hell...i wound up driving on interstate 20, looking for that all night presbyterian church outside dallas

or was it episcopal

i can't remember

i blacked out everything from my youth

and appArently from the other night, too

cause when i saw the all night church  was closed, i just kept driving and driving and driving

then i turned onto i-10 and

then i wound up in phoenix arizona

the next night

right outside the building where the coyote's play

and they were just about ready to start playing

oh -i forget what team they were playing...some team that beat us earlier this season last year...pick one...and i went inside to get some advice fro the great one

but his wife said he was busy

and when i told her i'd been driving all night

she gave me a stack of money to put  a bet down in vegas for her

so i got back in the damn rental car

and drove up to vegas

and

believe me guys

i tried to get a bet down on blue

but they wouldn't take my bet

because there ain't no blue on a roulette wheel...shows you how much i know...

i heard one guy say red and another say black

so i said give 2 bucks on blue and the whole casino broke up

they even replayed it on the jumbotron

boy did i feel silly

so then i flew

back

oh -shit

i just realized that

i didn't return my rental car

it's still sitting in the short term parking

at  the one with the palms or the one with the sand

uhm...any of you guys have a deadbeat brother in law 

hanging around

who could fly out there and get my car back to the closest office...probably the airport...

well...let's not worry about that now

let's go back out on the ice

and give up no more than 2 goals

in the second

and hopefully score a couple

before this darn thing's over -eh?

hey gomie...ya think you could turn that music down a little?

only down by 1 men

come'on -guys...plenty happening to hold your head up...we were ahead for 35 seconds and tied for 10 whole minutes...

good 10 minutes -yeah...the last time that happened to me, i was tied up for aboout 12 minutes but that's between

me and that episcopal clergyman or was it men -nevermind...men...we're down only 2 now, but remember it was only by one we 

down not long ago...let's get it back to only one down...that's the positive approach...get the score back to only one down...

then we can start fresh at one down...ok...let's go into the locker room and relive those 35 seconds...i wish those boys with the ferry services

would come rescue us, where are they now?...we're sinking men...let's get some help

let's bring avery back into the fold -because he's very neat and quick at packing -so by the end of the season

after we lose in the first round-if we even make the playoffs...he can help me back my things very neat and orderly, cause i remember that about old shawnsies -eh... just like paul hornung ...very quick packer  ha ha...i bought some really nice luggage

on sale at bloomingdales last week...louis vuitton...sounds canadian -eh...ok, we're gonna come back onto the ice down only 2 goals

and it might sound a bit funny men...but our one goal for the third is 2 goals...well you might ask me how one goal could be 2 goals -but see...we have one big goal and that is to have at least one player on our side -not their side, i'm sick of seeing the other side scoring goals...

we need at least one player on our side to score 2 goals -hey...if it's 2 players that score a goal each...that's all right with me

how about you men -are we on the same page? good...tell you what, if we at least lose in a shootout tonight...i know shawnsies 

got the phone numbers of at least 2 dallas cowboy cheerleaders...you can all have sloppy seconds or thirds or whatever number you draw, but not me...i'm gonna go find me an episcopal church, i hear thede's a 24 hour one right off of interstate 20

ok...onward and upward -which, for me means back to canada forever in may...and god forgive me

Tom Renney, Comic Genius

New York Rangers head coach Tom Renney is one of the few and far between. His comic genius comes through before, during and after every Rangers game. Dubbed "Renney Youngman" by those in the know, this site is dedicated to his funny one liners that never fail to cause Rangers fans indigestion, while their opponents crack up. Stay tuned for more (hopefully not that much more) to come.